sea blue

sea blue-
submerge in it
soak from head to toe
until the waves etch their way int o your skin.

sea blue-
let it caress and cradle you
and wear and tear you
until the calm comes.

sea blue-
when the yellow sun
hits your skin
you glisten and shine.

for when you
sea blue-
you can truly appreciate

to be BLACK
is the most beautiful
i know

for every day i am
chipped away
until i become
numb to

my power and my insecurities.

my only sunshine

there has never been such a beauty walking towards me
the sun is competition with you smile
the waves sway with your hips

and i have never seen this before

you dove into my heart
and created ripple effects
like them my love grows for you
it fades and flows off into the horizon.


a letter from the autumn of 2014:

in you i see the reflection of the man i want to be
when i look in the mirror i see the pubescent boi
i am both growing into and out of
and i am not ashamed of me.

But please understand that i wake up
with a nauseating feeling
weighted down by these lumps, swells, breasts.
understand that i cannot do this without you
and i have so much to get off my chest.

you call this tight black binder
an armor
one that binds, constricts and hides
these messed up, matted down things
i struggle to breathe as i write this-
this binder is worn from the gazes of passers-by
and the struggle of many wars

my mind is at war-
forced to fight expectations of both you, dad, and society
struggling to find a voice
because right now
all i can do is crack and bend underneath the needles that i
draw and inject from
newly found man juice- Austin Powers mojo
rushes through my skin

i come out of war
and find myself bruised and bloody
and i remember that i am my own worst enemy.

you are strong and powerful
these wounds are scarring and healing
a daily reminder of wins and losses.
lay down the punches and do not falter,
but do not swing at you.

there have been low blows from your enemies and allies.

for you are merely a product
of circumstance
remember this daily battle-
this war
is not one you forced yourself into
it was fate that carried you here.

so mom, dad, society…. me.

keep marching to that drum
build up your troops
and fight until my heart screams the
songs of liberation-
until everyone sings.

Southern Harm